Communication Tips for Traveling Couples

1. State your wants and needs clearly with specific language: The more precise you can be about your wants and needs, the easier your partner can understand and help you meet your needs. For example, you could just say “I need to find a bathroom.” Or more specifically “I need to find a bathroom within 5 minutes”. Precision language tells a more detailed story, especially if urgency is important.

2. Recognize hangry moments in each other and shift: The hangry emotion is real. It can be stronger in some people than others. Learn to recognize the hangry emotion in your partner and know that it’s not anger at you, but merely discomfort for the other person. The best advice is to shift your communication up or down, then find food! Shifting communication down might include staying quiet and watching intently for the next food vendor. Shifting up might include taking the lead and overtly communicating how you’re diving into the maps app to find the next open restaurant.

3. Be forgiving: Mistakes happen every day in life whether you’re traveling or not. Forgiveness takes grace. So, remember to forgive your partner when google takes you to a restaurant that isn’t open, or you missed the bus because of an extra toilet stop.

4. Divide daily duties: When living at home, there are tons of household and work duties every day. Living nomadically or traveling long term does not have as many chores, but it’s still living, and common chores include cooking, washing dishes, washing and hanging laundry, grocery shopping, etc. By dividing the daily duties between the partnership, it creates a balance, eliminates resentment, and fosters cooperation.

5. Take turns with leadership: There are a lot of moving parts to traveling, especially if you’re in a new area or not fluent with the language. Consider how exhausting travel can be with the planning (reservations for hotels, cars, trains), the navigation (both walking, driving, or public transport), the conversations with vendors in restaurants, stores or train stations, and even the act of choosing a restaurant or meal. When you take turns with leadership experiences, you not only reduce the mental burdens for your partner, but you also build skills and empathy for the task when a problem occurs along the way.

6. Avoid absolutes: Humans are ritualistic. We sleep on the same side of the bed. We drink coffee before we open our eyes. We read before we go to sleep. We use specific bath or beauty products. If you turn these rituals into absolutes (I MUST ____ in the new travel location), then you will be miserable traveling. For example, partners may have to change which side of the bed to sleep on because electrical outlets are not always on both sides of the bed. Partners may have to use different products because theirs are not available. Travel requires flexibility and absolutes do not flex.

7. State your emotions before they fester: Create mutual trust and give permission to vent and vocalize if or when your partner needs it. Understand that the venting is not directed at you specifically, and on the other side use language that isn’t placing guilt or responsibility toward your partner.

8. Volunteer or be helpful: Thinking about your partner and offering an extra gesture shows you care, fills their emotional bucket, and makes life easier to manage. So, volunteer to refill their water glass. Help them wash the dishes sometimes. Buy them a treat at the grocery store. Everyone likes little surprises.

9. Be honest with tact: If anyone should be able to tell the truth, it should be your partner, but sometimes telling the truth is just difficult. The delivery of truth can make all the difference. Instead of a zinger or a deep put-down, your partner should be able to supply an honest statement with tact in a manner you know is not meant to be hurtful, only helpful. So, show some tact when you say, “Hon, I didn’t enjoy that meal. It wasn’t your best dish.”

10. Remember to check in with your partner: Whether at home or on the road, remember to pause in life’s chaos. Look at your partner. Listen to your partner. Check in on THEIR needs. Some examples might include:

a. “You seem quiet right now, what’s on your mind?” (then listen to the answer)

b. “It looks like you are limping, tell me how your feet feel.” (then listen to the answer)

c. “Your body looks restless, what does it need?” (then listen to the answer)

Even if you are not traveling or if you don’t have a partner right now, try some of these techniques in your daily life with anyone. You just might build a surprising connection with someone.